The Busy Girl's Guide to Meditation

Isn't it funny how the times when it's hardest to meditate are the times you probably need it the most?

I've worked in the startup/tech industry for the past 6+ years, and to say it's a little crazy would be an understatement. If I'm being honest with myself, a big part of me feeds off of the excitement: a burst of insanity, a ton of brainstorming, a crazy project with a nearly-impossible deadline...there's something about the energy rush that can become addictive.

But you know what also comes with that adrenaline rush? Stress, vritti energy, and in many cases...little to no time to focus in on yourself.

When your career and social life are swirling around you a la Pig-Pen's cloud of dirt, adding on a meditation practice can seem pretty damn daunting. But here's the thing: meditation doesn't have to take up a huge chunk of your day. Creating a daily ritual of setting aside a few quiet moments each night can actually enhance all of the other things you have going on: by dedicating a little time to slow down, collect yourself, and  b r e a t h e, you'll be in a better mental state to handle whatever life throws at you tomorrow.

I've created a super-simple, mantra-based meditation practice that I do for about 10 minutes every night when I come home from work. I'd invite you to try it out for yourself - you might like it, too!

Create your environment

• Shut off the lights.

• Light a few candles, and burn some sage or Palo Santo, both of which are meant to clear negative energy and re-set your space.

• Turn on meditative music. I have a dog and a roommate, so as much as I love music as a way to creatively guide my practice, it's also to drown out any external distractions. You can always steal some of my meditation music from Spotify.

• Set an alarm for 12 minutes.  I typically give myself a 2 minute buffer to get settled and comfortable before I drop all the way in to meditation.

Get Comfortable

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You don't need a huge space to meditate. I just throw my Gaiam cushion on the floor and sit right down in my bedroom.

• Set yourself up comfortably. I use the Gaiam Rectangle Meditation Bolster  and sit in either lotus or sukhasana with a long spine.
• Begin to breathe deeply and close your eyes. Forget about ujjayi breath. Forget about whatever you learned in that meditation class. Forget about what you think you should be doing, and just. breathe. In and out through the nose. Calmly begin to observe your breath: can you deepen your inhalations and exhalations? Can you smooth your breathing out at all? Relax the expectations around it, and just go with what you're feeling.

Mantra-based Breathing

• As your breath regulates (inhales and exhales equally long, about 5-6 seconds each), begin to pair the in- and out-breaths with the phrase, "So Hum". As you breathe in, repeat in your mind "So"...As you breathe out, repeat in your mind, "Hum". 

• Why "So Hum"?
  • So Hum is a verbal representation of the breath; it sort of sounds like your inhalations and exhalations. But more importantly, So Hum translates to "I am". 
• Use this as an opportunity to remind you of what you are. Here are a few examples that I use, from time to time:
  • Enough. As simple as that. You are enough, exactly as you are.
  • Calm. Even if "calm" is the last thing you feel, give yourself the opportunity to explore it: what does "I am calm" feel like. Can you train yourself to become calm, even in difficult moments?
  • Capable. Capable of dealing with the pressures of work, family, friendships, relationships.
    • Smart. You are mentally equipped with the skills to tackle what is in front of you.
• Repeat, repeat, repeat. Your mind will wander, and that's OKAY! You're human, and this is only 10 minutes of your day. Do your best to draw your consciousness back to just the breath, and just your mantra.

When your alarm goes off, gently blink your eyes, wiggle your fingers and toes, and slowly pick yourself back up.

I'll be honest: some days, I'd rather flop on my bed and stare blankly at the ceiling for two hours...but there hasn't been one time yet where I've regretted my meditation session once I get down to it. Especially during busy or difficult weeks, it's such an awesome opportunity to practice some self-care and re-set mentally.

Ten minutes a day is all you need, my loves. You can do it - I know it!

PS - If you want to purchase the bolster I mentioned above, use AMANDA20 at checkout for 20% off your purchases of $50 or more. xo

microfears.

I’m ON one lately about microfears.

Is “microfear[s]” — or as i lovingly call them,“MF-ers” — a real word? definitely not. but is it a real thing? definitely yes.⠀These little MFers aren’t the big, huge fears that we love to glorify. Nothing like “I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of bankruptcy. What if I’m not worthy of love? What if i don’t become successful?”

MFers are those tiny, naggy thoughts that pop up in your head at least a hundred steps BEFORE that big “Oh shit, this is something I need to address” realization happens.

They’re the dull, repetitive thoughts that quietly thump in the back of your mind while you’re off doing other things on autopilot. And it’s easy to keep those thoughts waaaay back there — they’re probably rooted in avoidance, or guilt, or shame, or confusion…and dealing with that definitely doesn’t sound like fun.

“I keep avoiding finishing my reports for work,”

says the marketing assistant who’d rather be outdoors, making art. but her job’s not *that* bad.

“I‘m just not good with, like, feelings,”

says the one who actually has a LOT of feelings. but whatever, they’ll deal with them. later.

“I can’t talk to her after our last fight,”

says the girl who proooobably shouldn’t have gone off at her friend the other night, 3 bottles of wine deep. but whatever, it’s fine.

In the scheme of things, none of these are big problems, right? They’re just little annoyances, and we’ve gotten really good at creating excuses disguised as answers in an effort to make ourselves feel better for a little while. But what about long-term?

“Well, at least I have a job! Could be worse.”

until, 10 years later, you’ve reached peak “success” as CMO and have never been more miserable.

“It’s for the best — I’m too fucked up, I’d probably just disappoint someone anyway. ”

congrats! you actually *have* made a commitment. to deprive yourself of the main thing were created for: human connection.

“She probably doesn’t want to talk to me either. I was such a bitch to her. It’s for the best.”

until 3 months later, you just really miss your friend…and 3 months of #girlsilence seems really, really hard to come back from.

⠀

Listen. Paying attention to these little MFers is actually a good thing.

Once you become more aware of those seemingly innocuous, repetitive, only-slightly-annoying thoughts…you open yourself up to the ability to self-police. You can begin to pay more attention to how often you think something, how actively you’re avoiding something…and if you sit with it for long enough (uncomfortable as it’s gonna be), you can start to work through any of that negative — or hell, even crazy — self talk in super-small doses.

Change at a micro level like that is WAY easier than avoiding something for weeks, months, years.

Nobody wants to wake up 5 years from now, only just realizing the need to unpack a LOT of emotional shit…or worse, wishing they did something differently.

TLDR: those little, annoying thoughts you keep having, and keep ignoring? they’re not little, and they’re not going to go away in 5 years. raise ya damn vibration and deal with it. 

Self-Empowerment: Other People’s Shit is Not Your Shit

In class today we meditated for a little while on the concept of self-empowerment.

When I used to hear “self-empowerment”, my mind would jump to this notion of a big, heroic statement. A big event, action, or moment in time. But the more I’ve started to explore it in my own practice… the more I’ve started to realize that self-empowerment is actually quite simple.

It’s owning your voice with raw honesty.

Understanding — and standing in — your truth.

But always, always coming from a place of love.

So today, we sat in stillness and called to mind a time when we were able to speak from our hearts honestly, truthfully, and peacefully. We remembered how it felt to be expressive, how we (and others) received our words…and used that brief moment as a reminder that that honesty is ALWAYS within us. Always. Sometimes we just need to use a little bit of our own strength to extract it…alongside a healthy dose of understanding that non-owned reactions can’t (or shouldn’t) affect the independent values, beliefs, and opinions we hold true.

Need a tangible example?

I recently experienced a conflict with someone. This person took out their tangential frustrations on me in the form of an extremely angry conversation (read: I got yelled at out of nowhere for something that had very little to do with me).

I was more shaken than I’d been in a while. I had two options:

1. Respectfully express my concern about the tone of our conversation, or
2. Stay quiet. Let it fester. I’m a dweller — so, I’d dwell.

I went with the former, and I’ll be honest: I was hoping for a more empathetic, positive reaction from the person — hell, I was hoping for an apology. I didn’t get that…but I was able to calmly, clearly explain my point of view.

I worked hard to remind myself that this person has their own life stressors, their own communication style & values, and is flawed — just like the rest of us. Does it mean that I agree with their actions? Of course not — understanding is not synonymous with agreement, and that’s okay.

See, the thing is…self-empowerment doesn’t mean you’re always going to get what you want, just because you said how you feel. You will never, everbe able to control another person’s reactions — they have their own shit, their own external and internal variables, all vying for a seat at their brain table, just the way you do.

Give yourself an opportunity to see a situation from the other person’s eyes. You might still hold the same opinion as before (I sure did), but allowing yourself a momentary look into someone else’s actions creates space for gentle understanding. That softness allows any withheld bitterness to slowly melt away — so you’re left as you.

Clarified.

With your thoughts, your opinions, your truth, once again.

That’s self-empowerment.

TLDR: Be honest, be nice, stand up for yourself, and breathe. Other people’s shit is not your shit. Know it, understand it, move through it.